My son figures out gender equality

Today mother's of daughters are having a tough time, raising their princesses to face the world like warriors and feel equal in the gender war. While mother's of sons, who have been warrior princesses (or feminist, as popularly described) all their life, now have a new task in hand. How to nurture a man who thinks that, the warrior princesses are normal human being and he doesn't question equality of sexes in any stage of life. I consciously teach my son about gender equality, giving examples how men and women are achievers in all walks of life, be it in sports, be it in science, be it in the kitchen. So how to figure out if you are doing the right thing and not over doing it. It shouldn't be so that my little man starts feeling confused in the upcoming world of equality. I am walking on a slippery thin rope here.

But recently,an incident  made me smile. My son, Ayan after being 5.5yrs old came across the Home Alone DVD series. He watched them all and repeated it few more times. To have some respite from little kids fighting the world of thugs, I hid the DVDs and pretended to look for them once in a while. One day,  Ayan came back with a question. When will Home Alone 5 come to the theaters. I told him, I didn't hear about it and don't know if they are making such a movie. He thought for a while and said, " Mom I think this time it will be a girl, she will be the kid who gets to stay home alone and fight the bad guys"

I was so proud, so happy at his innocence and his thought.So somewhere in my subtle feminist oriented rambling, there was a life long lesson embedded.....that I hope stays with him forever.

Lets put the child in a box- really?

http://www.babycenter.com/404_can-behavior-problems-be-a-sign-of-giftedness_10315523.bc

Again another article, trying to find if the child is gifted, autistic, ADHD prone, out of sync. desperate to get the right label and paste it on her head. Every child is unique in their own way . Just because life is easier and organised if we can put them in boxes does'nt mean we have to. Teachers are keen to jump on a psychological disorder as soon as the kid is bit off . Instead of finding what he or she is good out, the whole world now wants to know what he/she cant do. He cant sit in one place, he pushes others, he hits without provocation, she cant pay attention, she is depressed. STOP!!!

Please find out what he or she wants to do and what the kid is good at. This may change from time to time. So keep looking for the spark and set them free, No labels, no Boxes

SAHM and WM- End the unending war. There is only you who will win

There are many discussion, arguments, fights, again and again in parental forums about SAHM and WM. While Sheryl Sandberg preaches about Lean In and not to quit before quitting. What do women really want today? 

I don't want to start any fight but all these years of struggle for women to get equality, an ongoing struggle started by previous generation of strong women will die a slow death if more and more women choose to quit the workforce. I think as women we have so much more to offer to the world and society even after being a good mom and a wife. In our own small and big way we should participate in something. Its not only about financial independence, its also about an identity and contributing in your own way, achieving something. About exploring your inner strength and using your inherent talents. I love the Mommy Reboot sections and hope lot more mommies do it. There was a big drive in the corporate world to improve support for mothers, to society for having more reliable daycares, having a good support system. We still need that. I know its a difficult road. But fellow moms ... take the break for sure .... but do come back to engage with the world outside home too. In an old or new avatar that's your choice .... 

I see lot of mothers (even my Mum and mum-in-law) who were exclusively SAHM in their entire life, now in their 60s, wishing that they did something, specially after the kids were got busy with school and they had time and strength to do it. Maybe they have a message for us.


(My deepest respect to all mothers braving it out there)

Advices .....how can I not pass some too

I love to cook, but only for fun, maybe some weekends. I dread to be in the kitchen every other day. I use very easy lazy mom techniques to go by. My baking skills are nearly zero. Many failures later, I made two banana cakes in my 38 yr lifespan.

Lets see, how to put it...
I was in Jakarta when my son was born. I had a fleet of nanny and maid to do everything...but I somehow anticipated that someday maybe I have to do things on my own and my subconscious self guided me to nurture my kid to become a zero-nonsense kid. I maybe taking credit for that but it can also be I was blessed by God. The almighty spared me much agony by gifting me a good natured kid.

Put few basic tips that may be useful for moms to be :

1. You are always the boss. Maybe your kid has come along and become the center of your universe, but he/she doesn't need to know that. ever!!! So the control is always in your hand.

2. Don't give into likes and dislikes of kids. Give them everything to eat, so they dont realize choice exists.

3. No freshly squeezed juice, whole fruits, first mashed then cut..spare yourself the time. You can use it for a nice coffee break or long shower

4. Zero preservatives, and Breast milk as long as you can. Use a pump, so that others can feed when you can have some sleep or do some shopping. The zero preservative and BM will help them grow immunity, atleast thats what everyone says. Less health issues in the long run and you will have spared yourself medical costs and sound sleep

6. Kids dont really miss you ...they are happy to be in a caregivers company as long they are good people. Let them be with others early on for few hours and you will never regret the decision

Ode to Mother with superiority complex- the alpha mom

This is dedicated to mommies who irritate me. The PTA Queen.
This is an ode to the self proclaimed, can do all person, and the anti team mate

Oh mother superior...
You have an eye of a dreamer and when you look around its only mirrors you see clear
You have mirrors in your head and mirrors in your bed
There is no other face that that can score an ace
With lofty ideas you float around like a cloud, ignoring others, who can also think, all around

You think other parents are quite lazy, You think other parents are very busy
You move on with your plans, assuming no one else will bother
You pen down your thoughts, without involving any other
You walk like a princess, with your head in the air
You ignore other parents and giving them real scare

You manage the teachers, manage the kids, manage the housework, manage the meals
You are so good at juggling one thing and then another
For you, the other people don't exists , don't matter

When you call for a school meeting, or arrange a fete'
Emails fly but no work gets done till the D date
Other mothers all runs to save your face, while you sit there with a grimace

But praises will shower only for you, since you have documented proof
And as they all say, fools can be fooled....
I raise a toast to thee, the best fake artist thou always shalt be
With your rude demeanor, you will sting all, like the queen mother bee

When 5 year old overwhelms you with their words

My 5 year old is just like any other kid, out there. Growing up steadily and testing all boundaries of freedom. He is testing his parents, teacher, friends. He is on the look out when their patience fail. Apologizing and doing it again 

He has a twinkle in his eye, a mischievous grin and I secretly love it when he does something not appropriate.  I do lecture him, sometime harshly if the limits are too stretched and my patience run dry, but I still adore them.

But his worldly wise serious comments or goofy ones are the best and keeps me laughing for weeks :

Mumma: Ayan I am not happy with my job. Sometimes I am upset because of that.
Ayan: Pretend you have a new job everyday. Job1, Job 2, Job 3......
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Ayan: Can we play together
Mumma: Ok lets pretend to do a project about water
Ayan engrossed in role play completely for days now
I have a new name : Manager Aditi
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Ayan : Mumma I am a man now, not a boy anymore.

Mumma: What are the special qualities to be a man
Ayan: You have to work hard , You have to have money, not be jealous (like girls) and be serious
Mumma: Hmmm (looking at dad)

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Dad: Its windy, do you hear the growling outside, be careful

Ayan: The wind is just hungry, it did not eat dinner last night, empty tummy....

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Mum: Ayan why did you not get a green face today

Ayan: Well I did not listen to my teacher

Mum: When

Ayan: (thinking) I think it was the music class

Mum: Are you sure

Ayan: I think it was at snack time

Mum: Really?

Ayan: Ah no it was the computer class, 

Mum: Hmmm

Ayan: No no wait in the free time......pause

         actually it was when we had to line up to go for a wash after snacks

Mum: Ok Let me tell you the story of the boy who called "Wolf"

(blah blah blah)

So what is the moral of the story?

Ayan: The wolf ate the boy

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Me: Can we go out and cycle
Dad: no its too cold
Me: Atleast kick the ball around 
Dad: Its really cold
Ayan looks around: Dad you have to agree with Mom sometimes, either cycle or soccer
(Dad Hiding the giggles, desperately, Me dancing the winning dance behind kiddo)
Ayan: I am serious, dont laugh

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Ayan sleeps by himself in the loving company of his toys. But every now and then mom needs to sleep with him. One day he wakes up very grumpy. 

" Did you sleep with dad last night" came the question in a very accusing tone...
"I did" sheepish mom replied

Why I should write another Mommy blog?

My son is 5 yrs old and nothing drastic has happened in my life recently. I have a pretty typical routine and there is  nothing much going on.

But then, I believe I am unique (mom), like every other mom out there. I thought about penning a blog on motherhood, which will not really be an autobiography or knowledge sharing place. I don't think I will write about how great it is to be pregnant or on "how to be pregnant" and talk about the feathers and caps that should be worn by a new mom. 

I love reading all kind of Mommy blogs, written about this big life changing event. Those blogs helps me survive my motherhood. I learnt about babies, diapers, crazy food habits and now I can even brave the world of advice, thrown at me, from every side on parenting choices thanks to mommy stories shared in the world-wide-web.

But after walking the world in my mommy shoes for 5 yrs and seeing other talented mothers all around me, I realized I am a very lousy Mom person. Don't get me wrong, I think I am doing a decent job in bringing up my LO (that's what they should be called nowadays).I am sure my son and husband loves me in my Mom avatar (they better do , if they want food on the table) but I am not like a real mom person and will never come close to being one.

But I think I will fill this blog, with anecdotes, my quick fixes, quickly fixed meal plans, easy excuses. I will dedicate this to the women out there who never wanted to be a mom and became one. Still wonder at this sudden change in fate (Why me!!!) but adores being the Queen mother in their own home.  

If you have enjoyed motherhood, but still shed tears, thinking of your single free life, you complain about PMS all through the month, and still wonder if you get post partum depressions (when your kid is a grown up), love to smother your LO with endless love, but love to watch them with even more delight when they are peacefully sleeping, Secretly, wish there was more night outs and coffee dates and enjoy guilt free me time, then you  you may like my words.