Advices .....how can I not pass some too

I love to cook, but only for fun, maybe some weekends. I dread to be in the kitchen every other day. I use very easy lazy mom techniques to go by. My baking skills are nearly zero. Many failures later, I made two banana cakes in my 38 yr lifespan.

Lets see, how to put it...
I was in Jakarta when my son was born. I had a fleet of nanny and maid to do everything...but I somehow anticipated that someday maybe I have to do things on my own and my subconscious self guided me to nurture my kid to become a zero-nonsense kid. I maybe taking credit for that but it can also be I was blessed by God. The almighty spared me much agony by gifting me a good natured kid.

Put few basic tips that may be useful for moms to be :

1. You are always the boss. Maybe your kid has come along and become the center of your universe, but he/she doesn't need to know that. ever!!! So the control is always in your hand.

2. Don't give into likes and dislikes of kids. Give them everything to eat, so they dont realize choice exists.

3. No freshly squeezed juice, whole fruits, first mashed then cut..spare yourself the time. You can use it for a nice coffee break or long shower

4. Zero preservatives, and Breast milk as long as you can. Use a pump, so that others can feed when you can have some sleep or do some shopping. The zero preservative and BM will help them grow immunity, atleast thats what everyone says. Less health issues in the long run and you will have spared yourself medical costs and sound sleep

6. Kids dont really miss you ...they are happy to be in a caregivers company as long they are good people. Let them be with others early on for few hours and you will never regret the decision

Ode to Mother with superiority complex- the alpha mom

This is dedicated to mommies who irritate me. The PTA Queen.
This is an ode to the self proclaimed, can do all person, and the anti team mate

Oh mother superior...
You have an eye of a dreamer and when you look around its only mirrors you see clear
You have mirrors in your head and mirrors in your bed
There is no other face that that can score an ace
With lofty ideas you float around like a cloud, ignoring others, who can also think, all around

You think other parents are quite lazy, You think other parents are very busy
You move on with your plans, assuming no one else will bother
You pen down your thoughts, without involving any other
You walk like a princess, with your head in the air
You ignore other parents and giving them real scare

You manage the teachers, manage the kids, manage the housework, manage the meals
You are so good at juggling one thing and then another
For you, the other people don't exists , don't matter

When you call for a school meeting, or arrange a fete'
Emails fly but no work gets done till the D date
Other mothers all runs to save your face, while you sit there with a grimace

But praises will shower only for you, since you have documented proof
And as they all say, fools can be fooled....
I raise a toast to thee, the best fake artist thou always shalt be
With your rude demeanor, you will sting all, like the queen mother bee

When 5 year old overwhelms you with their words

My 5 year old is just like any other kid, out there. Growing up steadily and testing all boundaries of freedom. He is testing his parents, teacher, friends. He is on the look out when their patience fail. Apologizing and doing it again 

He has a twinkle in his eye, a mischievous grin and I secretly love it when he does something not appropriate.  I do lecture him, sometime harshly if the limits are too stretched and my patience run dry, but I still adore them.

But his worldly wise serious comments or goofy ones are the best and keeps me laughing for weeks :

Mumma: Ayan I am not happy with my job. Sometimes I am upset because of that.
Ayan: Pretend you have a new job everyday. Job1, Job 2, Job 3......
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Ayan: Can we play together
Mumma: Ok lets pretend to do a project about water
Ayan engrossed in role play completely for days now
I have a new name : Manager Aditi
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Ayan : Mumma I am a man now, not a boy anymore.

Mumma: What are the special qualities to be a man
Ayan: You have to work hard , You have to have money, not be jealous (like girls) and be serious
Mumma: Hmmm (looking at dad)

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Dad: Its windy, do you hear the growling outside, be careful

Ayan: The wind is just hungry, it did not eat dinner last night, empty tummy....

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Mum: Ayan why did you not get a green face today

Ayan: Well I did not listen to my teacher

Mum: When

Ayan: (thinking) I think it was the music class

Mum: Are you sure

Ayan: I think it was at snack time

Mum: Really?

Ayan: Ah no it was the computer class, 

Mum: Hmmm

Ayan: No no wait in the free time......pause

         actually it was when we had to line up to go for a wash after snacks

Mum: Ok Let me tell you the story of the boy who called "Wolf"

(blah blah blah)

So what is the moral of the story?

Ayan: The wolf ate the boy

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Me: Can we go out and cycle
Dad: no its too cold
Me: Atleast kick the ball around 
Dad: Its really cold
Ayan looks around: Dad you have to agree with Mom sometimes, either cycle or soccer
(Dad Hiding the giggles, desperately, Me dancing the winning dance behind kiddo)
Ayan: I am serious, dont laugh

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Ayan sleeps by himself in the loving company of his toys. But every now and then mom needs to sleep with him. One day he wakes up very grumpy. 

" Did you sleep with dad last night" came the question in a very accusing tone...
"I did" sheepish mom replied